What the Bible says
“If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.”
Luke 14:26 (KJV)
“He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
Matthew 10:37 (KJV)
“Honour thy father and thy mother.”
Exodus 20:12 (KJV)
A language of priority, not emotion
In Hebrew thought, 'love' and 'hate' were often used to compare. When Genesis says Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah, the next verse says Leah was 'hated' (Genesis 29:30–31) — not that Jacob despised her, but that she came second. Jesus speaks the same way. Matthew's version makes the meaning clear: do not love anyone more than me.
Jesus honoured families
The same Jesus rebuked people who used religious excuses to avoid caring for their parents (Mark 7:10–13), and from the cross he made sure his mother would be cared for (John 19:26–27). He was not tearing families apart. He was naming the only foundation strong enough to hold them together.
Counting the cost
The verses that follow in Luke 14 are about counting the cost before building a tower or going to war. Following Jesus is not a hobby added to a full life. When he is first, every other love is put in its right place — and is often loved better for it.
Common questions
Does Jesus want us to hate our parents?
No. The commandment to honour father and mother still stands. 'Hate' in Luke 14:26 is a comparison of priority, as Matthew 10:37 shows: love no one more than Jesus.
Why did Jesus use such strong words?
To make the cost of discipleship unmistakable. Strong contrast was a common teaching style, like a camel through the eye of a needle.